Any feminists here? I have lots of women friends from Arizona who are what I would call “feminists” – in a good sort of way, not in a radical way – and one of them e-mailed me the following joke:
Do you know what would have happened If it had been 3 Wise Women instead of 3 Wise Men?
Answer: They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the
stable, made a casserole, brought practical gifts and there would be Peace On Earth.
Now of course I don’t know if that is really true, although I’m sure that it made some of your laugh – especially the women. Now guys – we need to fess up and admit that most times, women are very practical – oftentimes much more practical than us men. And I think one of the reasons I really like this feast of the Magi, this feast of Epiphany and of the Three Kings, is that it is such a practical feast. It’s not a lot of pie-in-the-sky, high-fallutin’ theology, but it’s about the practical reality of making God present in us and through us, each and every day.
Christmas is about looking backward – back 2,000 years ago to the birth of Jesus. But Epiphany is about look forward – looking out into the future, to see how Jesus is being born anew each and every day in us.
The word “Epiphany” means “to make manifest” or “to make visible, to make present.” So today, on this feast, we look at how God is being made manifest, visible, present – today. If you look on your handouts, you will see the question framed at the top: HOW TO MAKE GOD VISIBLE IN YOUR LIFE. That’s a real concrete, down-to-earth, gritty sort of question – and the question I want to try to answer today in this homily.
As we get started, I need your help. I brought with me today four objects, and I need you kids to help me identify these objects. First, I have a – map. What’s it used for? Right – it helps us on a trip or journey so we don’t get lost! On this feast of Epiphany, the wise men were on a journey – and we too are on a journey, a spiritual journey through life, to discover and know God better. Next, I have – right! Glasses. They help me see! Without them, I’m blind! Next, I have a --- magnifying glass. This is to help me see better, even when the letters are too small for my glasses. Finally, I have – right! A telescope. This is to help me see really far away objects that I can’t see with just my naked eye – nor even with my glasses – nor even with a magnifying glass.
Now all these four things have one thing in common – they help us keep on track, they help us to see, they help us to not get lost. And Epiphany is kind of like that, also. As we begin a new year, this feast orients us and keeps us on track so that we don’t get lost. It focuses our attention on following the star, on following Jesus. It’s kind of like our roadmap, and kind of like our eyeglasses or a magnifying glass – and sometimes, like a telescope, it really focuses our attention on something important.
Today, we’re going to focus in and look at four ways that we can make God more visible in our lives in this upcoming new year.
First: We can make God more visible in our lives by being WISE and FOLLOWING God. Now, that me seem a bit self-evident to some of us here. After all, we are here in church, hearing about the WISE MEN – so it stands to reason that we are trying to be wise ourselves by following God. But our Gospel today tells us that not everyone wants to be wise, and not everyone wants to follow God.
Let’s read the story: After Jesus was born in Bethlehem village, Judah territory—this was during Herod's kingship—a band of wise scholars arrived in Jerusalem from the East. They asked around, "Where can we find and pay homage to the newborn King of the Jews? We observed a star in the eastern sky that signaled his birth. We're on pilgrimage to worship him.” When word of their inquiry got to Herod, he was terrified—and not Herod alone, but most of Jerusalem as well. – Matthew 2:1-3 (Message)
We have the wise men, but we also have King Herod. He was the “King of the Jews” – a mighty political figure at the time of Jesus’ birth, who ruled in Palestine with an iron fist. He was a great builder – he built huge palaces and fortresses and temples – but he also was a wicked tyrant who oppressed and enslaved his people. Herod was so jealous of others, so worried that they would usurp his power, that he killed three of his own children, and one of his wives, and his mother-in-law – just out of jealousy and fear that they would try to take over. When Herod was old and on his deathbed, he wanted people to mourn when he died, but he knew that nobody would cry for him, because of his great wickedness. So he ordered that, just prior to his death, all the leading citizens of Jerusalem be arrested – then, when he died, they were to be killed. In this way, he would be assured that the streets of the city would be filled with weeping and wailing on the day of his death – even if the weeping and wailing was not really for him!
King Herod was King of the Jews, and he could tolerate no other pretenders to the throne. So when he heard about a new king of the Jews who was about to be born, he was terrified. Did you know that the very notion of God and church terrifies some people? It’s true! And usually, they are terrified because, just like with King Herod – listening to God will mean that they have to change, and they really don’t want to change any of their bad habits or their evil ways.
Let’s keep reading: Herod lost no time. He gathered all the high priests and religion scholars in the city together and asked, "Where is the Messiah supposed to be born?" They told him, "Bethlehem, Judah territory. The prophet Micah wrote it plainly: 'It's you, Bethlehem, in Judah's land, no longer bringing up the rear. From you will come the leader who will shepherd-rule my people, my Israel.' "-- Mt 2:4-6
Here, we see how God works in mysterious, almost invisible ways sometimes. He chooses Bethlehem, the smallest and most insignificant of the 12 tribes of Israel – the tribe that is always bringing up the rear! And he comes not as a powerful, worldly king – but as a servant, as a shepherd king. Epiphany reminds us that we need to keep a watchful eye, not fall asleep or become complacent, if we want to see the presence and the manifestation of God – because God often manifests himself in unexpected and hidden ways.
We read on: Herod then arranged a secret meeting with the scholars from the East. Pretending to be as devout as they were, he got them to tell him exactly when the birth-announcement star appeared…- Mt 2:7
Herod “pretended” to be devout. We too can fall into the trap of “pretending” to follow God – we go to church, we follow all the rules and regulations, we do exactly what is asked of us – but our heart is not in it. We’re just pretending. But God wants real, genuine, authentic faith – not just an empty external shell.
Last week, while traveling to visit my family for Christmas, I was reading a novel on the airplane entitled “Satisfied with Nothing.” It’s the story of a black teenager growing up in very racist, very segregated Louisiana in the south during the time of the civil rights movement and the integration of public schools. He and the other black students are bused to an all-white school, but they are never accepted there, and are the constant targets of taunts and racial slurs – and not only by white students, but also by white teachers and white school administrators. Meanwhile, on Sundays, the boy attends a black Baptist church with his mom, where he hears the preacher yell out to the congregation that they just need to accept the persecution, the injustice, the suffering – because, even though they struggle here in this world, they will reap a great reward when they die and go to heaven.
The boy hears this message repeated from the pulpit, week after week, and he becomes angrier and angrier. What kind of God allows innocent people to suffer unjustly? He gets tired and angry with the preacher’s pie-in-the-sky, grin-and-bear-it sort of theology. And do you know that this theology isn’t much different from the theology preached by the Mexican priests and conquistadores to the native Indians – grit your teeth, bear suffering and indignity in this world, but you will be rewarded in the next life.
Baloney! Epiphany remind us that there is evil and darkness in the world. There are tyrants like Herod. But we can’t just bury our heads in the sand like ostriches and hope the darkness will go away. We can’t just pretend that vindication comes at the end, when we’re dead and buried. Epiphany reminds us that we must become light ourselves, here and now – we must carry forth the torch that will extinguish the evil and darkness. We must make God visible and manifest in our world – not with empty words and dead rituals and meaningless platitudes – but by really plugging into God, really allowing God to be the King and ruler of our hearts and loves, really allowing the power of God to transform us – and, through us, to eventually transform the world. We must seek God’s wisdom, and not the false wisdom of this world.
And so, our second point: To make God visible in our lives, we must do as the wise men and lead by shining for others. Let me explain as we continue to read the gospel story: Then the star appeared again, the same star they had seen in the eastern skies. It led them on until it hovered over the place of the child. They could hardly contain themselves: They were in the right place! They had arrived at the right time! – Matthew 2:9-10
The magi were not afraid to take a risk. Traveling in their day was dangerous. There were not telephones, no automobiles, no superhighways, no Motel 6’s along the road to rest after a long day of travel. But they persevered. They followed the star. They did not give up. And we are called to do the same.
Notice their attitude: They could hardly contain themselves. They were filled with joy! For us, is the Christian life a drudgery or a joy? Do we, like these first wise men, show forth an exuberance and an excitement that is contagious? That’s how to be a witness for Jesus. That’s how to make God visible and manifest in our lives.
Question: What star do we follow? Is it the star of God? Or the false stars of this world that surround us – the pop music stars, the movie stars, the sports heroes? Is it the pursuit of pleasure, vanity, money, comfort – or the pursuit of a loving relationship with God, so that He is our true master and our true inspiration?
The third way we make God more visible in our lives: We share our gifts: They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh. – Matthew 2:11
This year, as part of our spiritual New Year’s list of resolutions, perhaps we should ask ourselves: What is the gift that I wish to bring, to offer in service of God and church?
I remember a story about a rich man in the Middle Ages who built a huge cathedral for the people of his village. On opening day, everyone attended for the inaugural Mass – only to discover that the church was completely dark, because the rich man had failed to put windows into the new church. “Where are the windows?” they asked. And the rich man replied, “The light in this church depends on you. When you bring your lamps, your lanterns, your candles – they you will fill this church with light. But if you stay at home and don’t attend, this church will stay dark.” Epiphany reminds us that we are to be the light-bearers in the world – we must share our gifts and talents so that, through us, Jesus can scatter the darkness of this world.
Finally, we make God more visible in our lives when we don’t let detours distract and discourage us. Life is full of obstacles, roadblocks – and it was no different for the Magi. They had planned to return home one way, but found their way blocked because of evil King Herod. Let’s read together: In a dream, they were warned not to report back to
Herod. So they worked out another route, left the territory without being seen, and returned to their own country. – Matthew 2:12
Along with the roses, life has its thorns. And maybe for some of us, Christmas and New Year’s have not been times of joy. Maybe a friend or relative has just died. Maybe in the past year, a mother has lost a child in a miscarriage. Maybe a spouse has lost a job, or a child is causing grief to his or her parents because of a drug problem. Maybe the family has been wrenched by a painful divorce. Maybe we have children serving in the military, and the threat of war with Iraq has us terrified.
The answer is not just to grin-and-bear-it. The answer is not to just suffer passively now, in the hope that God will reward us sometime in the far-distant future when we get to heaven.
The Epiphany answer is to let God take over our hearts and lives as King – let God fill in the holes and valleys of our pain by transforming that pain from the inside out – let God use us to become His light for reaching out to others who also are in pain.
The Epiphany answer is not just to sit back and do nothing – but to stand up and become active, so that together, as one family, as one church, we start to scatter the darkness – we start to make a difference – we start to transform our world. Then God becomes more visible, more manifest – in us, and in the world.
The real question for us this Epiphany is simply this: Is God visible in my life? Is God really shining there, brightly for all to see? Is my life a star – a light – that draws others toward God?
On your sheet, I’ve included a space for each of us to make a New Year’s Spiritual Resolution – a promise to let God shine in my life more brightly in this new year of 2003 by --- and you can fill in the blank.
I’ve listed some ideas, some suggestions:
Become Wiser by following God – Truly commit your life to Jesus as Lord and Savior and King … Grow spiritually by consistent prayer each day … Don’t miss Mass each weekend … Unlike Herod, let go of vanity and resentments and jealousy … forgive a grudge … stop judging or gossiping … don’t succumb to the world’s false wisdom – strive to be less materialistic and worldly …
Lead by Shining for Others – Set a better example for your family and friends -- for your husband or wife; for your kids; for your classmates at school … Grow spiritually by attending a Bible study or youth group or mini-retreat … Spend more time with your family … Get rid of a bad habit (smoking, gambling, bad language, overeating, drinking, drugs)
Sharing Your Gifts – Serve in a church ministry … Become more faithful in tithing each week.
Don’t Let Detours Distract or Discourage – Keep going, despite pains and hurts … Lean on God to transform those hurts and pains … Reach out in your hurt and pain to help others who also are hurting…
Let’s close with a final Epiphany Prayer. It’s on your sheets. It’s the poetic vision and promise from God, as spoken in our first reading from the prophet Isaiah in the Old Testament. As I read it, especially note who it is speaking to. I want everyone here to really yell out in one voice at every mention of the word “you” or “your” in this passage, because it is speaking to us:
Arise, my people! Let your light shine for all the nations to see! For the glory of the Lord is streaming from you. Darkness as black as night shall cover all the peoples of the earth, but the glory of the Lord will shine from you. All nations will come to your light; mighty kings will come to see the glory of the Lord upon you. Lift up your eyes and see! … Your eyes will shine with joy, your hearts will throb and overflow… – Isaiah 60:1-5 (Living Bible)
This is the Epiphany promise – God with us – God made visible in and through us, so that a darkened world can find the true light and the true light of Jesus Christ. Blessed Epiphany, all!
Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!
I want to start us out today with a short film clip. Try to see if you can identify the movie… [show Forest Gump running] What is the movie? What is the Forest Gump doing? Right – he’s running! Is he running anyplace in particular? No. Just going, going, going, from one ocean to another, then back again – for three years, two months, 14 days and 16 minutes.
Today’s Feast of the Magi, the Wise Men, Epiphany, is about a journey – the journey of the magi who followed a star in order to see the newborn king, Jesus; and our journey to also follow the star, the light of Christ in our lives. But there are two ways to travel. Lots of people are like Forest Gump – running furiously, but going nowhere, with no direction and no purpose. It’s like a dog chasing its tail. But as we begin this new year of 2005, our feast today invites us to be like the magi – to journey forward, but with a purpose and a destination in mind. God doesn’t want us to waste away and squander the opportunities he has given us, by chasing our tails.
Look with me on your handouts. It says: “Taking the Long Road Home.” The wise men, on their journey, came face to face with a major obstacle, King Herod, who wanted to kill the baby Jesus before he could grow up and become king and seize the throne from Herod. So they were forced to go home by a different and longer route, in order to avoid King Herod. Our spiritual pilgrimage in life is a lot like the adventurous journey of the wise men: full of surprises, detours, and there are really no short cuts to heaven. We too need to take the long road, if we want to arrive at our true home and our true destination, which is with God.
Now look again at your handout, where it says: “Living a Life of Overflowing Generosity.” On this feast of Epiphany, we celebrate a journey of generosity. Read with me, please, where it says, “Sermon in a Sentence” – “Blessings beget Blessings.” Repeat that with me, please: “Blessings beget Blessings.”
When we are generous, when we bless others – then these blessings beget, or give birth to, new blessings – blessings for ourselves, blessings for others. Living a life of overflowing generosity and blessing is countercultural – it is taking the long road home, the unpopular road, the road that flies in the face of what society says. We live in a “me only” society and culture – a materialistic and often selfish and greedy world where everyone is taught to look out for themselves, look out for No. 1, and don’t worry too much about your neighbor in need, who probably is lazy and dishonest, anyway.
How many believe we need to teach our children generosity? I heard not too long ago about a father and his son, in the drive through lane at McDonald’s. He bought himself a Big Mac and a Happy Meal for his son. But as they were driving down the highway, the father reached over and grabbed a French fry from his son’s Happy Meal. The boy immediately protested: “That’s mine!” Some angry thoughts instantly popped into the dad’s head: “Those French fries aren’t his! I’m the one who paid for them! I’m his French fry god! Doesn’t he realize that without me, he would have no French fries!” And so the dad began to teach his son a lesson in generosity – a lesson in sharing, even if sharing only involves sharing of a French fry.
The dad didn’t need his son’s French fry. He could have bought a dozen French fries from McDonald’s, if he had wanted to. But the dad did want to teach his son about kindness and generosity and sharing. In a similar way, God is our heavenly Father. Everything we have comes from Him. He doesn’t need anything from us. But he wants to teach us how to share and be generous and grateful.
Maybe you’ve heard about the movie, “Super Size Me.” For an entire month, this guy does nothing but eat McDonald’s food. Obviously, he gains lots of weight. But in one scene, a bunch of 1st graders are gathered together and shown three pictures. The first is a picture of George Washington. None of the kids can identify him. One gets close: “Wasn’t he the fourth president of the United States?” The next picture is of Jesus Christ. None of the kids can identify Jesus. One kid asks, “Is that George Bush?” Finally, the children are shown a picture of Ronald McDonald. Anyone here want to guess? Right! Every single kid could identify Ronald McDonald. Such is the power and the influence of the media and of advertising on our children! So we, as Christians, need to fight back and help our children and our families follow the star of Jesus, journey on God’s road and not just wander aimlessly through life with no purpose, no plan, no vision – or following the false stars that society offers to us.
It all begins with God’s generosity to us. That’s what Christmas is all about. As John’s gospel says, “For God so loved the world that he GAVE his only Son.” God is a giver. Christmas is about the greatest gift of all – God himself who came down and took on human flesh and was born into the world and became one of us, to rescue us and save us and show us the pathway to life.
Read with me the next verse on your handouts, from the book of Acts: “We are saved because Jesus… out of share GENEROSITY moved to save us.” (Acts 15:11, Message). Or look what Saint Paul tells us in his 2nd Letter to the Corinthians: “Remember the GENEROSITY of Jesus Christ, the Lord of us all. He was rich beyond our telling, yet he became poor for your sake so that his poverty might make you rich.” (2 Cor. 8>9, Phillips)
How do we respond to God’s lavish generosity toward us? Today’s gospel presents us with a living example, the response of the magi, the wise men. We don’t know a whole lot about them. They are only mentioned in Matthew’s gospel, only in these 12 short verses. We don’t even know how many of them came to visit Jesus. The Bible never tells – though the tradition says there were three, based on the fact that they brought three gifts: gold, frankincense and myrrh.
But we do know a few things. They were rich – just look at the costly gifts they brought. And they were foreigners – they came from a distant land. This story tells us that the Good News of Jesus is for all peoples and all nations, not just for a small, chosen few. We also know that they were very generous. Look on your handouts:
• They were generous with their time. It took a long time in those days to make such a long journey, probably from Persia in the East, all the way to the Holy Land.
• They were generous is that they were willing to risk their lives. In those days, long journeys were dangerous. There were no cell phones, no planes or trains or automobiles, no AAA if your camel broke down in the desert. And it was dangerous because they were foreigners, entering a foreign country ruled by King Herod, who was known for his ruthlessness – he had killed many of his own children, spouses and other family members, out of jealousy and rage.
• Finally, they were generous with their gifts – expensive gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.
The story of the magi invites us to examine our own lives and ask questions about our own journey God-ward. Look with me on the back side of your handout, where it says, “Our Own Journey God-ward.”
• Are we willing to make sacrifices, like these wise men, in order to follow Jesus?
• Are we willing to take risks and become “strangers in a strange land” – foreigners, if you will, who buck the popular trends of the culture? Just last week, I came across a family that had decided not to allow their children to own or use such things as Play Stations or Nintendo or Sega Genesis or Game Boys – they didn’t want their kids influenced by these popular devices. Now I am not necessarily advocating that we not allow our children to have access to any of these toys – but maybe we need to be more vigilant, more careful about how much time our kids use these devices. Are they spending more time playing games or studying and doing their homework?
• What star are we following? God’s star? Or the star of pop culture and society – the world of materialism and instant gratification, the “me” society, the Oprah Winfrey’s and Dr. Phil’s and the JLo’s of the airwaves?
The long way home of God requires:
• Faith. The magi had no road maps, just the star. And for us, there is no road map that tells us, step by step, exactly how life will proceed. But we do have God’s light to guide us, gently, step by step, and we have God’s instruction book, the Bible, to give us advice and guidance along the way.
• The long way home also requires perseverance. This walk with God is for the long haul. There are no short cuts and quick and easy ways to get to heaven. Christianity is a marathon, not a sprint.
• There will be detours and obstacles – temptations and King Herod’s that get in our way and try to sidetrack us.
• Finally, the long way home requires generosity, a giving and generous heart.
Carl Menninger, the famous psychiatrist, once said that generosity is a central component to good mental health. But centuries before Carl Menninger, Jesus Christ understood this simple truth, which is why he urged us to be generous, blessing others – as the wise men did – so that the blessings could multiply into new blessings for others.
Did you know: The Bible used the word “believe” 272 times. It uses the word “prayer” 371 times. It uses the word “love” 714 times. But it uses the word “give” 2,162 times!
There are really only two kinds of people in the world: GIVERS and TAKERS. People who are generous, and people who are sponges. Did you know that the world “miserly” and “miserable” come from the same root? Those who are miserly, who are takers, will live miserable and unhappy lives. And so, God invites us to be lavishly generous, blessing others with overflowing generosity.
On your handout are seven simple reasons for being generous:
1. Generosity creates community. Look at the outpouring of generosity this week to help the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Asia and Africa. This outpouring of generosity makes the word seem smaller, as if we are all part of the human family, we are all connected to one another as a world community.
2. Generosity defeats materialism. I was impressed by the outpouring of generosity in our church in the days and weeks before Christmas, as family after family dropped off Christmas gifts to help needy children.
3. Generosity strengthens our faith – it moves us to depend on God for our sustenance and our needs.
4. Generosity is an investment in eternity – Jesus promises riches in heaven to those who are generous here on earth.
5. Generosity blesses us in return. Blessings beget a hundredfold return to us in additional blessings.
6. Generosity produces happiness. Doesn’t it just make you feel wonderful inside to give something to another person, and watch them smile? Let’s try something. Everyone stand. Put on a big smile. Now give that smile – and a hug – to the person on your right and on your left. How do you feel? Better, I suspect. We can be generous in simple ways – with a smile, a handshake, a greeting, a hug, a kiss, a kind word or a word of encouragement.
7. Finally, generosity makes us more like God. God is the great GIVER. And isn’t that really what we want our life journey to be about – helping us to become more and more like Christ?
In the days long past, I am told that George Burns wrote a humorous skit in which his wife could not get her new electric clock to operate properly. So she called a repairman. He tinkered with it a bit, but then told her: “There’s nothing wrong with this clock. You just need to plug it in.” The wife replied: “O no! I only plug it in when I want to know the time. Otherwise, I leave it unplugged so that I can save on electricity.”
It’s sad, but spiritually, a lot of people are only plugging into God when they need something, but they are not staying connected to the power source 24-7. They are running like Forest Gump, faster and faster, but going nowhere.
How can we be generous? The wise men brought three gifts to Jesus:
1. First, they brought the gift of gold. This symbolizes our material wealth. And all of us, if we live in this country, are enormously wealthy materially, in comparison to most other people in the world. We need to be generous with our material wealthy – helping others in need. We need to send money and resources to the Indian Ocean, to help the many victims of the tsunami there.
2. They also brought incense, which was used in the Temples and synagogues in the days of Jesus. The incense represents our spiritual life. Have we given God the gift of our hearts, our lives? Are we in love with God? How do we show that love? Maybe in this New Year, we can rededicate ourselves to growing closer to God – plugging into a Bible study group, a youth group, or some other church activity, so we can stay plugged in and connected to God, 24-7.
3. The final gift is myrrh, used in ancient funerals. It is the symbol of our humanity. As human beings, we need to give emotionally – to fill up the emotional gas tanks of our children, our spouses, the people all around us. More than money, more than anything material, the people who are important to us, the people in our lives like our kids, our husbands and wives, our co-workers, our friends, our other family members – they need that emotional gift – our time, our energy and enthusiasm, our kind words, our encouragement, a helping hand, a visit.
So, one again, the sermon in a sentence: Blessings beget blessings.
This Epiphany, as we embark on a New Year, let’s take the Long Road Home, by living a life of overflowing generosity. Let us become blessings to God a to one another!
December 31, 2006
Holy Parenting, Holy Families
Winston Churchill, when he was prime minister of England during World War II, battling Nazi Germany, said, “We shall fight on beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and streets, we shall fight in the hills!” Many years later, a comedian commented, “Sounds to me like my family’s vacations!”
Today, we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family. I want to talk about holy parenting, and how we create holy families. It’s not easy being a parent these days! Another comedian once said, “Whenever I get sick, I follow the directions on the aspirin bottle: take two tables, keep away from children!”
Turn with me on your outlines, and let’s read together the first point, out loud: “There are no perfect families.” Repeat! “There are no perfect families!” That’s what we see in our gospel today – even the Holy Family of Joseph, Mary and Jesus had their difficulties from time to time:
Every year Jesus' parents went to Jerusalem for Passover. And when Jesus was twelve years old, they all went there as usual for the celebration. After Passover his parents left, but they did not know that Jesus had stayed on in the city. They thought he was traveling with some other people, and they went a whole day before they started looking for him. When they could not find him with their relatives and friends, they went back to Jerusalem and started looking for him there. Three days later they found Jesus sitting in the temple. – Luke 2:41-46 (CEV)
Just imagine the scene: Jesus is 12 years old, almost a teenager; the family is traveling on holiday, to the big Passover festival in the capital city of Jerusalem; it’s like a carnival, like the country fair or the Date Festival, but even bigger; even bigger than the Coachella Music Festival at the Empire Polo Grounds; and Jesus, without telling his parents, without telling anyone else in the family, decides to stay behind. Joseph and Mary don’t notice that he’s missing until a day later – they think he’s in another part of the caravan, with other friends or relatives. Imagine a first century Palestinian version of the movie, “Home Alone.” And when they go back to look for him in the big city of Jerusalem, it takes them three days until they finally locate him in the temple. Mom and dad probably are not happy campers here! What’s our first point today: There are no perfect families!
Watch with me the following video clip of a family at dinner, and ask: Is this a familiar scene, even in my family? [Show clip from “The Incredibles” of a family feud at dinner time – at Chapter 5 of the DVD]
I also brought a few clips from the comic strip “Zits.” I thought you might enjoy them, and they definitely show, in a humorous way, some of the tensions in today’s typical American family:
The good news is the second point on your handout: “You can make your family whole and holy.” Not perfect, of course – there are no perfect families – but nonetheless whole and holy, because God loves us and wants us to have healthy, whole and holy families. We’re going to look at some strategies on how to build strong families.
First: The war is on, but don’t stress! How many parents here worry about your kids? We read the newspapers, watch all the horrific news on TV about drugs, alcohol, gangs, unwanted teen pregnancies; we hear some of the foul lyrics and messages of the rap and hip hop music on the radio; we see the violence and gratuitous sexual messages on TV, in the movies, even in advertising; we hear about the blood and guts of many video games – and we want to wrap our kids in our arms and shield them from the negative influences of the world out there. But we can’t. We can’t shield them or protect them. So what can we do?
First, don’t stress! The bad influences are out there, of course – but if our kids experience a loving, nurturing environment at home where they are listened to, cared for, understood, encouraged – then the bad influences in our society are kept at bay and can’t penetrate into the hearts and minds of our children.
We need to inoculate our children, give them a spiritual vaccination – fight back with the sword of love! One of the problems is that too many parents today are too busy with work and other responsibilities to really guide and parent their children responsibly. I was reading just a few weeks ago that today, 37 percent of U.S. births are out of wedlock, which is a scary statistic. But the birthrate in the U.S. of girls ages 10 to 17 has actually fallen. The problem is not with our kids – it’s with the adults! More often, it’s the parents who are the problem.
Studies show that this current generation of teenagers is more interested in God, more interested in service to the community, more interested in values and morality and spirituality, and in making a contribution to society, than the previous two or three generations of young people. I think of the altar servers who spend their time a week ago collecting and distributing Christmas gifts for needy children, about kids like Jacob here who just earned his Eagle Scout, about the many teens who are active here at church in youth group and in helping with our church’s children’s programs. This is a great group of kids! Give them a big applause!
But our kids need our love, our time, our understanding and our guidance. Listen with me to the following song – it’s an oldie but goodie. See if you older folks can identify it, and (just to show there’s a definite generation gap!), let’s see if the kids even recognize this song! Listen especially to its words and to its message… [Play “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin] Our kids yearn to imitate their parents – and it behooves us adults to spend quality time with our kids, not to get so busy with other things that we miss the golden opportunities that God has given to us to bond with our kids and to develop and grow healthy and whole and holy families.
Look at what Saint Paul tells us today in our second reading, from his letter to the Colossians – a wonderful and simply guidebook for holy families:
Clothe yourselves in heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another… And over all these put on love… And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. -- Colossians 3:12-17 (NAB)
One could do no better than to take these words of Saint Paul home with you, and use them as part of your household prayer and meditation. Saint Paul goes on:
A wife must put her husband first. This is her duty as a follower of the Lord.
A husband must love his wife and not abuse her. Children must always obey their parents. This pleases the Lord. Parents, don't be hard on your children. If you are, they might give up. – Colossians 3:18-21 (CEV)
The best gift parents can give to their kids is a healthy marriage, where mom and dad love each other, are kind and gentle to one another, respectful and generous, instead of yelling and screaming at one another, or angry. When our kids see their parents behaving lovingly, this helps them get ready for their own happy marriage later in life.
Saint Paul urges kids to do their part – obeying their parents, showing courtesy and respect. And He urges parents to go gently on their kids, encouraging rather than criticizing, lifting up rather than putting down. Some parents are in the bad habit, when they lose patience, of also losing control and saying the wrong things to their kids – hurtful, long lasting verbal stings: “Why are you so stupid? Why are you so clumsy? Why can’t you be more like your other brother and sister?” – instead of disciplining with love and out of a sense of strength and self control: “I’m punishing you and taking away your TV privileges or your phone privileges or your Nintendo privileges because I love you and care for you, and want to teach you an important lesson so you grow up to be the young man or young woman that God intended.”
Another “Zit’s” cartoon was in the newspaper last week for Christmas and the New Year – gifts that kids can give to their parents. Creating holy families is a two way street, with kids doing their part, too!
Listen to the start of this next song, and see if you can identify it: [Play the beginning part of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s “Teach Your Children Well”]
On your handout, it says that parents must teach their children. It says, “Successful parents protect their children, but also let their children go.” It’s a delicate balancing act here, but all important. Parents need to protect their children – know where their children are, who is supervising them, know their children’s friends. Last week, my brother was telling me about a mom who gave her daughter a new cell phone, with a camera built in. The mom said to her daughter, “This is so I can know where you are and that you are safe. But remember, if I need to know where you are, I can always know if you are telling me the truth – I’ll just ask you to take a picture of your surroundings and send it to me!” A mom in our parish called me a few months back because who 14-year-old son had been picked up by the police – he was spending the night at some friend’s house, and some trouble broke out and the police were called, and this young man ended up getting arrested because he was in the midst of the brawl and was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. But his parents were not carefully monitoring their son’s whereabouts!
The other extreme are parents who are so overprotective that they smother their children and never let them get involved even in healthy activities. Teens, especially, need to be out of their house and with friends – but in a safe environment. One way for parents to ensure this is to encourage their children to get involved in safe activities where there is good adult supervision: sports, clubs, school activities, church youth groups. If we smother our children too much, they’ll rebel and end up doing the one thing we feared all along – running away or getting into trouble behind our backs.
Three things we need to teach our children:
1. Teach your kids to love God. Not this empty faith based on do’s and don’ts, rules and regulations and requirements. Rather, a living faith, a relationship with the living God.
I heard a funny story of a little boy whose parents belonged to a Baptist Church. But the little boy was always reluctant to go to the church. One day, he want to one of the activities for children, but he came home early and upset, and complained: “It’s all just a racket. They sing, play games, eat pizza, tell stories, get you all relaxed and comfortable – but then, they drown you!”
The best way is for parents to model this love of God in their own lives. Faith needs to be part of the fabric of our family life, not just something tacked on occasionally on Sunday as “something we do because it’s a rule.” Kids need to see that their parents are plugged into church because they love God, because they have a living relationship with the Lord of the universe, and they want their children to share in that same living, loving relationship with God. If kids see their parents living out their faith and giving of their time to the Lord, our children are more likely to imitate their parents.
Do you pray at home with your kids and as a family? Do you pray before meals? Have you dedicated your kids to the Lord? That’s what Hannah and Elkanah did to their son, Samuel, in our first reading today from the Old Testament:
When it was the time of year to go to Shiloh again, Hannah and Elkanah took Samuel to the Lord's house. They brought along a three-year-old bull, a twenty-pound sack of flour, and a clay jar full of wine. Hannah and Elkanah offered the bull as a sacrifice, then brought the little boy to Eli. "Sir," Hannah said, "a few years ago I stood here beside you and asked the Lord to give me a child. Here he is! The Lord gave me just what I asked for. Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will be the Lord's servant for as long as he lives." – 1 Samuel 1:24-28 (CEV)
Jesus in our gospel also understood this. He asked his parents, Mary and Joseph: "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" – Luke 2:49 (NAB) Our children are gifts to us, on loan to us from God – but God has a plan and purpose for our kids, and wants parents to help their children learn about the Lord and discover God’s plan and purpose for their lives. We are all called to be about our Father God’s business!
2. Second, parents must teach their children to be wise. Now, wisdom is not just book knowledge, of course – but education is a big part of growing into wisdom. Jesus was at the temple learning, and the gospel today tells us: Jesus increased in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and with people. – Luke 2:52 (NJB)
In the Hispanic community, education is not always respected as it should. I know, there are exceptions – some of our kids who are doing exceptionally well at college. If any of our kids are back from college, would you please stand! Let’s give them a big round of applause! And I also know that college is not God’s plan for everyone. But in the U.S., the road to success is paved through education. Too often, hard working parents have not themselves had the opportunity to go to school, so they don’t really understand its importance in the lives of our children. A friend of mine once told me, “We parents sometimes work hard, but we don’t work smart.” We only look at the short term – telling our kids, “Go out, get a job, make some money, help pay the household bills” but without thinking the long term: “Go, finish college, get a good education, then, over time, you’ll get a better job and be able to become more successful and happier in life.”
It pains me to go to the Mall on Monday, my day off, and see parents with their school aged children wandering around the shops. Or parents who let their kids take extended vacations and miss weeks of school. Of course, kids don’t like school – what’s new? – but they still need to attend. I heard a story of a little boy who lived in southern California, where the weather is always nice, and he begged his mom and dad to take him to the beach the next day. But mom and dad said, “No, because tomorrow is a school day and you need to go to class.” The boy thought maybe the beach was not enough incentive for his parents, so he begged them, “Tomorrow, let’s go to Disneyland.” Still, the answer was, “No, tomorrow is a school day.” Finally, the boy asked his parents the inevitable question, “Why do I have to go to school?” Trying to win the boy’s sympathy, mom replied, “Because, if you don’t go to school, the police may put your mommy and daddy in jail.” The little boy, undaunted, paused for but a moment, then asked, “For how long?”
A few weeks ago, I asked some of our teenagers here in church how they were doing in school. “OK,” one of them said. But being wise to the ways of teenagers, I knew I needed to probe more deeply, so I asked, “Specifically, what does it mean to say, ‘OK’? What kinds of grades are you getting?” One of the young men answered me, “I’m doing fine – I’m getting just one F and only two Ds in my classes!” True story, I swear! But as parents and as adults, we need to encourage our kids to do well in school, to complete their homework assignments on time, to study and read at home, to get tutoring help if they don’t understand a subject or are falling behind.
3. Finally, we must teach our children to be kind and respectful of others, generous and compassionate, like Jesus, especially towards those who are hurting and in pain. We want our kids to grow up to become good, holy people who think about others, not just themselves. In our gospel today, it says: Jesus went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. – Luke 2:51 (NAB) I know kids don’t like that “O” word – “obedience” – but it shows that Jesus was kind, respectful, caring about the wishes and feelings of his parents, Joseph and Mary. In the book of Sirach, from the Old Testament, which was an alternate first reading for today’s Mass, it says: My son, take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives. Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him. – Sirach 3:12-13 (NAB) When the fourth commandment tells us to love and honor our parents, this applies to us older children, also, when our parents are older and need our attention and care.
This last picture on the overhead screen is of the Holy Family – Joseph, Mary and Jesus. I’ve brought with me today a statue of the Holy Family, and as we begin a New Year, I want to propose a project for us as a church family in this new year, to help us build strong and healthy, whole and holy families. On your handout is a space for you to print your name, phone number and address, and which Mass you attend regularly. If you want to participate in this project, fill out the information and drop it into today’s collection basket, or give it to me after Mass or at some other time. My idea is this: Every month, we will draw the name of one family from the hat. That family will get to take the statue of the Holy Family home with them for the month, place it in a prominent place in their home, and pray for God to help them and others create holy families in our church. Do you like this idea?
It’s not easy being a parent. No family is perfect. But God wants all of us to enjoy strong, healthy families that are whole and holy. God bless, and Happy New Year!